1 00:00:01,193 --> 00:00:02,197 Careful! 2 00:00:02,198 --> 00:00:04,339 You only get one shot at this, Peralta. 3 00:00:04,374 --> 00:00:05,979 Don't worry. I know what I'm doing. 4 00:00:05,980 --> 00:00:08,182 I saw the first 15 minutes of The Hurt Locker. 5 00:00:08,216 --> 00:00:09,784 Hurry! The stench is too much. 6 00:00:09,818 --> 00:00:11,856 We gotta get those shoes outta here. 7 00:00:11,890 --> 00:00:13,158 How much time do we have? 8 00:00:13,159 --> 00:00:15,061 Scully ate his pot pie 30 minutes ago, 9 00:00:15,062 --> 00:00:16,931 so we probably got 10 minutes left on this nap. 10 00:00:16,966 --> 00:00:18,835 12 if he's turkey tired. 11 00:00:18,869 --> 00:00:21,344 All right, come to papa. 12 00:00:21,345 --> 00:00:23,486 It's trapped. Abort mission. 13 00:00:23,521 --> 00:00:25,696 I have an idea... 14 00:00:38,890 --> 00:00:41,529 Let's send these shoes to hell. 15 00:00:43,971 --> 00:00:45,139 Oh, wait. 16 00:00:45,140 --> 00:00:46,707 Yeah, just smells worse than before. 17 00:00:46,708 --> 00:00:48,776 Oh... Ugh! Abort! 18 00:00:48,810 --> 00:00:52,536 Sync and corrections by Rafael UPD www.addic7ed.com/ 19 00:01:10,844 --> 00:01:13,448 Whoa! Why are you here before me? 20 00:01:13,449 --> 00:01:15,419 Am I asleep? Is this a dream? 21 00:01:15,420 --> 00:01:18,027 I am early because Jimmy Brogan is here today. 22 00:01:18,028 --> 00:01:20,467 Why do you care so much about some old reporter? 23 00:01:20,501 --> 00:01:22,136 Some old reporter? 24 00:01:22,137 --> 00:01:24,139 Is the sky just some big blue hat 25 00:01:24,140 --> 00:01:25,541 that the world wears? 26 00:01:25,575 --> 00:01:27,811 No. And no one has ever thought that. 27 00:01:27,812 --> 00:01:29,215 My point exactly. 28 00:01:29,216 --> 00:01:31,119 Jimmy Brogan wrote The Squad 29 00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,321 about badass New York cops in the '70s. 30 00:01:33,322 --> 00:01:35,023 It's the best book I've ever read, 31 00:01:35,024 --> 00:01:36,791 and I've read 15 books. 32 00:01:36,792 --> 00:01:38,495 50 books is not a lot. Wait... 33 00:01:38,496 --> 00:01:40,399 You said 15? 34 00:01:41,836 --> 00:01:43,240 The Squad is what made me decide 35 00:01:43,241 --> 00:01:44,842 to become a Detective. 36 00:01:44,843 --> 00:01:46,477 And it was my first book report. 37 00:01:46,511 --> 00:01:48,145 "The detectives wiped the mobsters' blood 38 00:01:48,146 --> 00:01:51,518 off their boots and found the scag." 39 00:01:51,519 --> 00:01:54,257 Scag is heroin, and the book says it's so good, 40 00:01:54,258 --> 00:01:56,329 you can never stop doing it! 41 00:01:56,330 --> 00:01:58,231 See me after class, Jacob. 42 00:01:58,232 --> 00:02:00,433 Fun side note... I late lost my virginity 43 00:02:00,434 --> 00:02:02,035 to Mrs. Stratton's daughter. 44 00:02:02,036 --> 00:02:04,439 It was... very fast. 45 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:07,045 Nice. 46 00:02:07,046 --> 00:02:09,617 Mr. Brogan, these are detectives Santiago 47 00:02:09,618 --> 00:02:10,886 and Peralta. 48 00:02:10,887 --> 00:02:12,889 Mr. Brogan, I am a huge fan of your book. 49 00:02:12,890 --> 00:02:14,691 Would you mind signing my copy? 50 00:02:14,692 --> 00:02:17,062 I'd love to. It's always nice to meet a fan. 51 00:02:17,063 --> 00:02:19,100 You can just make it out to "death wish." 52 00:02:19,101 --> 00:02:20,536 That's what everyone calls me, 53 00:02:20,537 --> 00:02:22,741 'cause I'm always first through the door. 54 00:02:22,742 --> 00:02:24,076 You go through doors normally, 55 00:02:24,077 --> 00:02:26,412 and everyone calls you pineapples. 56 00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:27,781 My grandma calls me pineapples, 57 00:02:27,782 --> 00:02:29,215 and I regret telling you that. 58 00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:31,583 Those New York cops from the '70s you wrote about 59 00:02:31,584 --> 00:02:34,650 were my idols... I mean, Gaminsky, Cavanaugh, Quigg. 60 00:02:34,651 --> 00:02:36,284 Those guys were the real deal. 61 00:02:36,285 --> 00:02:39,119 I once saw Gaminsky choke a hippy to death 62 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:40,421 with his own ponytail. 63 00:02:40,422 --> 00:02:42,024 Illegal. Love that. 64 00:02:42,025 --> 00:02:43,424 Mr. Brogan is writing an article 65 00:02:43,425 --> 00:02:45,124 about how Brooklyn detectives have changed 66 00:02:45,125 --> 00:02:46,991 in the 35 years since The Squad. 67 00:02:46,992 --> 00:02:48,689 He'll be observing the two of you 68 00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:50,488 on your Internet identity theft case. 69 00:02:50,489 --> 00:02:52,723 I hope Mr. Brogan's presence doesn't prove to be 70 00:02:52,724 --> 00:02:54,425 a distraction to you, Peralta. 71 00:02:54,426 --> 00:02:56,392 Distracted? Me? No, sir. 72 00:02:56,393 --> 00:02:58,058 Evil would love that. 73 00:02:58,059 --> 00:03:00,892 But I'm not giving evil the satisfaction. 74 00:03:00,893 --> 00:03:02,724 Not today. 75 00:03:02,725 --> 00:03:05,427 Where's the can? I gotta unload. 76 00:03:05,428 --> 00:03:07,395 "Unload." Great choice of words. 77 00:03:07,396 --> 00:03:09,462 It'd be an honor to show you, sir. 78 00:03:09,463 --> 00:03:12,064 All right. Everyone's here. 79 00:03:12,065 --> 00:03:14,466 Today we're gonna work on our courtroom demeanor. 80 00:03:14,467 --> 00:03:17,065 Pass. This seminar 81 00:03:17,066 --> 00:03:19,600 is not optional, Diaz. You're testifying 82 00:03:19,601 --> 00:03:21,601 in an aggravated assault case tomorrow. 83 00:03:21,602 --> 00:03:23,201 The D.A. is worried 84 00:03:23,235 --> 00:03:24,868 about how you present yourself on the stand. 85 00:03:24,869 --> 00:03:26,766 Why? I'm fine on the stand. 86 00:03:26,801 --> 00:03:28,364 Look, I'll make this real simple 87 00:03:28,365 --> 00:03:29,898 so even these dum-dums can understand. 88 00:03:29,933 --> 00:03:32,400 Man did crime. 89 00:03:32,401 --> 00:03:34,135 I'm sorry... can you make her stop doing 90 00:03:34,136 --> 00:03:36,004 that weird thing with her face? 91 00:03:36,038 --> 00:03:37,738 Crying? 92 00:03:37,739 --> 00:03:40,237 And when this is over, I'm gonna find you, 93 00:03:40,238 --> 00:03:42,704 and I'm gonna break those little fingers. 94 00:03:42,705 --> 00:03:44,806 Ms. Diaz. 95 00:03:44,807 --> 00:03:46,975 Please stop threatening the stenographer! 96 00:03:46,976 --> 00:03:50,277 This is an important case. You need to do well. 97 00:03:50,278 --> 00:03:51,977 Fine. I'll take your dumbass seminar. 98 00:03:52,011 --> 00:03:54,144 That's the spirit! 99 00:03:55,780 --> 00:03:58,279 Someone has placed tiny scanners inside ATMs 100 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:00,045 to steal card numbers and pins 101 00:04:00,046 --> 00:04:02,112 which they sell on the Internet. 102 00:04:02,113 --> 00:04:04,313 Oh, good God, why do you smell like an ashtray? 103 00:04:04,314 --> 00:04:05,815 Oh, sorry, mom. 104 00:04:05,816 --> 00:04:09,124 It's the only way I can cope with the stress of the job. 105 00:04:12,759 --> 00:04:13,837 Pffft! 106 00:04:14,961 --> 00:04:17,127 Anyway... We're running an algorithm 107 00:04:17,128 --> 00:04:18,627 to comb through the transactions 108 00:04:18,662 --> 00:04:20,226 looking for a pattern which will lead us 109 00:04:20,261 --> 00:04:22,159 to the perp's IP address. Got it. 110 00:04:22,193 --> 00:04:23,959 "Boring mumbo jumbo." 111 00:04:23,991 --> 00:04:25,891 Well, you could think of the algorithm 112 00:04:25,925 --> 00:04:27,458 as a boot and the IP address 113 00:04:27,459 --> 00:04:28,826 as some poor slob's skull. 114 00:04:28,827 --> 00:04:29,961 You know? 115 00:04:29,995 --> 00:04:31,261 We used to call guys 116 00:04:31,262 --> 00:04:33,297 who bragged about sitting around all day 117 00:04:33,298 --> 00:04:34,432 hair bags. 118 00:04:35,469 --> 00:04:37,638 Except for Detective Finaldi. 119 00:04:37,639 --> 00:04:39,905 No, he had to sit around all day. 120 00:04:39,906 --> 00:04:42,070 A mafia thug pried both his kneecaps off 121 00:04:42,071 --> 00:04:43,470 with a crowbar. 122 00:04:43,504 --> 00:04:45,038 Gah... so lucky. 123 00:04:45,039 --> 00:04:46,874 This kind of data-driven police work 124 00:04:46,875 --> 00:04:48,811 has reduced crime by over 70%. 125 00:04:48,845 --> 00:04:51,248 I know hair bag work when I see it. 126 00:04:51,282 --> 00:04:55,716 Do me a favor... wake me when your shift is over. 127 00:04:57,351 --> 00:04:58,385 No way. 128 00:05:01,524 --> 00:05:03,492 That is amazing! 129 00:05:03,526 --> 00:05:05,496 All you need is for a jury to like you. 130 00:05:05,530 --> 00:05:07,966 If they like you, they'll trust you. Fine. 131 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,634 How do I get these morons to like me? 132 00:05:12,270 --> 00:05:13,604 Don't call them morons. 133 00:05:13,638 --> 00:05:15,304 Good instinct! Okay. 134 00:05:15,305 --> 00:05:18,137 Sit up straight, all right? Be aware of your hands, okay? 135 00:05:18,171 --> 00:05:19,505 And don't be afraid to smile. 136 00:05:19,539 --> 00:05:21,007 And if you need to buy time, you can always just say, 137 00:05:21,008 --> 00:05:22,643 "to be perfectly candid..." 138 00:05:22,677 --> 00:05:24,846 To be perfectly candid... 139 00:05:24,847 --> 00:05:26,214 I like that. 140 00:05:26,215 --> 00:05:28,317 And always make good eye contact. 141 00:05:28,352 --> 00:05:30,219 But don't stare at people. Yeah. 142 00:05:30,254 --> 00:05:31,887 You gotta blink. But don't blink too much. 143 00:05:31,922 --> 00:05:33,955 Or too fast. I think the bigger worry is slow blinks. 144 00:05:33,956 --> 00:05:36,122 Don't blink too fast or too slow or too much or too little. 145 00:05:36,157 --> 00:05:38,623 I know how to blink. 146 00:05:38,658 --> 00:05:39,957 Quick question, sir. 147 00:05:39,958 --> 00:05:41,790 You know how we've been trading favors back and forth 148 00:05:41,791 --> 00:05:43,092 and it's your turn to give me one? 149 00:05:43,126 --> 00:05:44,495 None of that is true. Yeah, I know. 150 00:05:44,529 --> 00:05:46,998 Please, can I jump onto a sweet mob-related homicide? 151 00:05:47,033 --> 00:05:49,432 There are no sweet mob-related homicides 152 00:05:49,433 --> 00:05:50,833 on which to jump. 153 00:05:50,868 --> 00:05:53,031 Boom! There's one at the seven-three. 154 00:05:53,032 --> 00:05:55,197 Maybe I should roll over there, help out. 155 00:05:55,198 --> 00:05:57,333 Brogan can tag along, maybe write some stuff down. 156 00:05:57,368 --> 00:05:59,670 Why do you idolize that man and the time he wrote about? 157 00:05:59,671 --> 00:06:01,606 Because the '70s were amazing. 158 00:06:01,607 --> 00:06:03,542 I mean, everyone had thick, juicy moustaches 159 00:06:03,543 --> 00:06:05,574 and all the clothes were orange and flammable. 160 00:06:05,575 --> 00:06:07,573 The '70s were not a good time for the city 161 00:06:07,574 --> 00:06:09,104 or for the department... 162 00:06:09,105 --> 00:06:10,472 Corruption, brutality, sexism. 163 00:06:10,507 --> 00:06:13,141 Diaz and Santiago never would have made Detective, 164 00:06:13,176 --> 00:06:14,376 and an openly gay man like me... 165 00:06:14,377 --> 00:06:15,644 I never would have been given a command. 166 00:06:15,678 --> 00:06:17,377 There were very few black detectives. 167 00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:19,676 Did I ever tell you what my first day on the job was like? 168 00:06:22,878 --> 00:06:24,379 Hello. I'm Raymond Holt. 169 00:06:24,414 --> 00:06:27,018 Are you... here to turn yourself in? 170 00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:30,221 Ah, yeah, that's really messed up. 171 00:06:30,255 --> 00:06:31,855 But the guys that Brogan wrote about... 172 00:06:31,856 --> 00:06:33,758 They were great detectives. I mean, they were legit. 173 00:06:33,759 --> 00:06:35,093 Some of them were legit. 174 00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:38,495 Some of them were just Brogan's drinking buddies. 175 00:06:38,496 --> 00:06:40,160 Sir, that is a brilliant idea. 176 00:06:40,161 --> 00:06:42,195 It wasn't an idea. It was a scathing indictment 177 00:06:42,230 --> 00:06:43,497 of your personal hero. 178 00:06:43,531 --> 00:06:45,800 Eh, six of one. 179 00:06:45,835 --> 00:06:47,336 This is the best! 180 00:06:47,370 --> 00:06:48,704 Drinking with Jimmy Brogan. 181 00:06:48,738 --> 00:06:50,406 So tell me more about Quigg. 182 00:06:50,407 --> 00:06:52,576 Could he really light a matchstick on his face? 183 00:06:52,577 --> 00:06:54,146 One time during a drug bust, 184 00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:55,715 he had one of his fingers shot off. 185 00:06:55,750 --> 00:06:57,851 He didn't even flinch. He just picked it up 186 00:06:57,885 --> 00:07:01,555 and used it to flip off every puerto rican in the place. 187 00:07:01,590 --> 00:07:03,457 And that's my cue. It's late. 188 00:07:03,458 --> 00:07:04,859 Are you kidding? 189 00:07:04,894 --> 00:07:06,263 The old guard drank till dawn, 190 00:07:06,264 --> 00:07:07,465 ate some coffee grounds, 191 00:07:07,466 --> 00:07:09,700 then started the whole day all over again. 192 00:07:09,701 --> 00:07:11,933 Pfft! I eat coffee grounds. 193 00:07:11,934 --> 00:07:13,202 Sure you do, pineapples. 194 00:07:13,236 --> 00:07:14,604 How about another round? 195 00:07:14,605 --> 00:07:15,807 Are you kidding me? 196 00:07:15,808 --> 00:07:17,344 I wanna hang with you till one of us dies. 197 00:07:17,345 --> 00:07:18,646 Look, I'm tired of talking. 198 00:07:18,647 --> 00:07:20,852 Why don't you tell me some of your stories? 199 00:07:20,886 --> 00:07:22,587 Great. 'Cause I got some stories 200 00:07:22,588 --> 00:07:27,127 that'll make Training Day look like Super Troopers. 201 00:07:27,162 --> 00:07:28,630 Eh, it's not... bartender. 202 00:07:28,664 --> 00:07:30,666 Two scotches. 203 00:07:30,667 --> 00:07:33,804 No, no, he meant two bottles. What? 204 00:07:33,805 --> 00:07:36,270 I mean... yeah! 205 00:07:36,271 --> 00:07:38,606 Aaaalll... right! 206 00:07:42,399 --> 00:07:43,532 You'll never get me! 207 00:07:43,567 --> 00:07:44,567 You'll never get me! 208 00:07:44,568 --> 00:07:45,634 We already got you, idiot. 209 00:07:45,669 --> 00:07:47,970 Look who's here. 210 00:07:47,971 --> 00:07:51,244 How was your night of old-school drinking, hmm? 211 00:07:51,278 --> 00:07:52,811 Pretty hung over? Shh! 212 00:07:52,812 --> 00:07:55,246 Turn off your mouth siren. 213 00:07:55,247 --> 00:07:57,914 Here are the texts I got from you last night. 214 00:07:57,948 --> 00:07:59,281 "Best night ever." 215 00:07:59,282 --> 00:08:01,316 "Why scotch burn so good?" 216 00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:04,121 "Whaz his name in Serpico?" 217 00:08:04,155 --> 00:08:06,192 "Who's the friend of yours with the ping-pong?" 218 00:08:06,193 --> 00:08:07,692 And lastly, 219 00:08:07,693 --> 00:08:09,558 a picture of you on the subway platform 220 00:08:09,559 --> 00:08:12,328 eating Chinese chicken salad with no shirt on. 221 00:08:12,329 --> 00:08:16,068 Well, last night was awesome. 222 00:08:16,069 --> 00:08:19,582 We had an epic night of bonding that I will never forget. 223 00:08:19,607 --> 00:08:21,976 Do it! I believe in you. 224 00:08:24,414 --> 00:08:28,219 Throw it! I believe in you. 225 00:08:28,220 --> 00:08:29,655 Man, I wonder if Brogan's okay. 226 00:08:29,656 --> 00:08:32,058 He's 65 and drank two bottles of scotch. 227 00:08:32,059 --> 00:08:33,826 He might be dead. He looks fine to me. 228 00:08:33,861 --> 00:08:34,861 Morning, kid! 229 00:08:34,862 --> 00:08:36,129 Ooh! How ya doing? 230 00:08:36,130 --> 00:08:37,865 Uh... hey... 231 00:08:37,866 --> 00:08:39,967 So good. I feel great. 232 00:08:40,002 --> 00:08:42,401 And I definitely don't think it's burning hot in here. 233 00:08:42,402 --> 00:08:43,969 Well, I'm around. 234 00:08:44,003 --> 00:08:45,502 Grab me if anything develops in your case. 235 00:08:45,503 --> 00:08:47,036 You got it. 236 00:08:47,037 --> 00:08:49,037 That hurt so bad. Let me know when he's gone 237 00:08:49,038 --> 00:08:50,970 so I can slide onto the nice, cool floor. 238 00:08:51,004 --> 00:08:52,303 He's gone. Great. 239 00:08:52,304 --> 00:08:53,970 Mmm... 240 00:08:56,973 --> 00:09:00,574 Oh... my whole body has dry mouth. 241 00:09:01,876 --> 00:09:04,177 Why are we meeting in the ladies' room? 242 00:09:04,212 --> 00:09:06,580 It's the perfect place for our second lesson... 243 00:09:06,581 --> 00:09:07,848 Courthouse wardrobe. 244 00:09:07,883 --> 00:09:09,884 What's wrong with the way I dress? 245 00:09:09,918 --> 00:09:12,553 You know, some people might say that all the black leather 246 00:09:12,554 --> 00:09:14,388 kind of makes you looks like an evil villain. 247 00:09:14,422 --> 00:09:15,890 Not me. 248 00:09:15,891 --> 00:09:19,597 I think you look like a sexy motorcycle. 249 00:09:19,598 --> 00:09:21,265 Boyle, pull it together. 250 00:09:21,266 --> 00:09:22,400 Yeah. 251 00:09:22,434 --> 00:09:24,236 We need to soften up your look. 252 00:09:24,270 --> 00:09:27,171 My wife and Charles's mom donated some clothes. 253 00:09:27,172 --> 00:09:30,445 Your wife and Boyle's mom are both blind? 254 00:09:33,050 --> 00:09:34,517 I look like arsenio. 255 00:09:34,552 --> 00:09:36,919 So it's... perfect? 256 00:09:38,619 --> 00:09:40,218 That's actually my wedding suit. 257 00:09:40,219 --> 00:09:41,487 No. 258 00:09:41,521 --> 00:09:43,122 Yes. 259 00:09:43,123 --> 00:09:44,391 No. No. 260 00:09:46,593 --> 00:09:49,496 That's great. Perfect! 261 00:09:49,530 --> 00:09:50,731 You look beautiful... ly... 262 00:09:50,732 --> 00:09:52,733 Appropriate for court. 263 00:09:52,767 --> 00:09:53,867 ♪ A new sensation 264 00:09:53,868 --> 00:09:55,334 Ohh... 265 00:09:55,368 --> 00:09:56,501 Scully. 266 00:09:56,535 --> 00:09:58,602 Hey, Jake. You've been alive forever. 267 00:09:58,636 --> 00:10:00,271 How'd you used to cure hangovers? 268 00:10:00,306 --> 00:10:02,942 Oh, I didn't drink. I was, however, 269 00:10:02,943 --> 00:10:05,482 extremely into cocaine for most of 1986. 270 00:10:05,516 --> 00:10:07,017 I gotta tell you the truth, Hitchcock... 271 00:10:07,018 --> 00:10:08,651 Can I tell you the truth? You and me, man. 272 00:10:08,652 --> 00:10:10,220 We're gonna be co-captains. 273 00:10:10,221 --> 00:10:12,022 But first I'm taking you to Japan! 274 00:10:12,023 --> 00:10:14,059 I'm already packed! 275 00:10:14,060 --> 00:10:16,096 I had three heart attacks that year 276 00:10:16,130 --> 00:10:17,197 and declared bankruptcy. 277 00:10:17,232 --> 00:10:19,266 Hitchcock turned out just fine. 278 00:10:19,300 --> 00:10:21,867 My grandpa was an old-school cop. 279 00:10:21,902 --> 00:10:25,170 This was his hangover cure... Raw egg yolks. 280 00:10:25,171 --> 00:10:26,803 Aaahhh! 281 00:10:26,837 --> 00:10:29,871 You look like a corpse we just pulled out of the river. 282 00:10:29,906 --> 00:10:31,408 Wrong. I look like a cool rock star 283 00:10:31,409 --> 00:10:33,044 who oded in his own pool. Big difference. 284 00:10:33,045 --> 00:10:34,613 I told you not to let Jimmy Brogan 285 00:10:34,648 --> 00:10:36,082 distract you from your work. 286 00:10:36,083 --> 00:10:38,786 So I assume you're not too hung over to do said work? 287 00:10:38,820 --> 00:10:42,023 Pfft. Nope. It's like I never even drank. 288 00:10:42,024 --> 00:10:43,157 And that's not a hangover cure. 289 00:10:43,192 --> 00:10:45,389 What, that? Naw, it's just some... 290 00:10:45,390 --> 00:10:47,625 Protein for my guns. 291 00:10:47,626 --> 00:10:50,896 I drink one every morning before I lift. 292 00:10:50,930 --> 00:10:52,865 So... 293 00:10:55,837 --> 00:10:57,467 Gah! 294 00:10:57,468 --> 00:10:59,102 Ah ha ha! 295 00:10:59,103 --> 00:11:00,871 So good! 296 00:11:00,872 --> 00:11:03,643 You can barely even tell it's a chicken embryo. 297 00:11:03,644 --> 00:11:05,314 You should drink it all. 298 00:11:05,315 --> 00:11:06,816 For your guns. 299 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:11,387 Yeah. 300 00:11:16,060 --> 00:11:17,926 Agh. 301 00:11:17,961 --> 00:11:19,592 Ah, it's just like... 302 00:11:19,627 --> 00:11:21,494 Fitness, right? 303 00:11:23,298 --> 00:11:25,965 Oh, why did I do this? 304 00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,067 According to your text, you were having 305 00:11:28,068 --> 00:11:29,600 "the beef light of my loaf." 306 00:11:29,601 --> 00:11:32,202 What? No, no. Why did I use this algorithm? 307 00:11:32,203 --> 00:11:34,339 We're only tracking people who use the stolen cards. 308 00:11:34,340 --> 00:11:36,274 They might not be the same as the ones who stole them. 309 00:11:36,275 --> 00:11:38,743 Here, switch seats with me. 310 00:11:41,148 --> 00:11:44,553 Oh, wow. Your butt's really warm. 311 00:11:44,587 --> 00:11:46,689 My butt's normal. Your butt's the weird one. 312 00:11:46,723 --> 00:11:47,991 Don't be mad. It's nice. 313 00:11:47,992 --> 00:11:50,056 All right, so if we ignore all these fraudulent purchases 314 00:11:50,057 --> 00:11:52,058 and go back far enough... 315 00:11:52,059 --> 00:11:54,762 Here. Someone posted the stolen card numbers online 316 00:11:54,763 --> 00:11:56,362 from this IP address. 317 00:11:56,363 --> 00:11:58,428 Not bad! You found the pattern. 318 00:11:58,429 --> 00:12:00,762 All right, let's aspirin up and roll out! 319 00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:03,130 Ah... ohh! 320 00:12:03,131 --> 00:12:04,197 Ohh... 321 00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:08,972 I'm glad you could be here for this. 322 00:12:09,006 --> 00:12:12,040 Mike Halbrook. 323 00:12:12,041 --> 00:12:13,540 NYPD. Open up. 324 00:12:13,574 --> 00:12:15,474 Put your head through the door. 325 00:12:15,475 --> 00:12:16,642 My head? 326 00:12:17,810 --> 00:12:19,043 We got a runner! 327 00:12:19,078 --> 00:12:20,577 Stop! Hands in the air! 328 00:12:20,578 --> 00:12:21,944 Oh, wow. 329 00:12:26,545 --> 00:12:28,613 Hoo! Yeah! 330 00:12:28,648 --> 00:12:31,653 Good job. I'm never drinking again. 331 00:12:31,654 --> 00:12:35,054 Hey. You know, I was gonna take him out myself, 332 00:12:35,089 --> 00:12:37,321 but ladies first, so... 333 00:12:37,322 --> 00:12:38,756 Relax, kid. 334 00:12:38,790 --> 00:12:40,593 Being too hung over to chase a perp? 335 00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:42,830 That's a classic old-school move. 336 00:12:42,865 --> 00:12:45,969 You know, you are one of the last few good cops 337 00:12:45,970 --> 00:12:48,436 fighting against the rising tide of hair bags. 338 00:12:48,471 --> 00:12:50,571 That's what you're gonna say in your article? 339 00:12:50,572 --> 00:12:51,871 Ah, don't worry, 340 00:12:51,872 --> 00:12:53,739 you're gonna come out lookin' real good. 341 00:12:53,740 --> 00:12:55,475 Especially after our talk in the bar. 342 00:12:55,476 --> 00:12:57,242 Ah... So many good quotes! 343 00:12:57,243 --> 00:12:59,044 Especially about Holt. 344 00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:00,578 Cops are usually afraid 345 00:13:00,579 --> 00:13:02,812 to go after their captains like that, 346 00:13:02,813 --> 00:13:07,012 but you, sir, are old-school. 347 00:13:07,047 --> 00:13:08,916 You know it. 348 00:13:08,917 --> 00:13:10,617 Oh, pineapples... 349 00:13:10,618 --> 00:13:12,684 What did you do? 350 00:13:14,239 --> 00:13:16,150 Your witness counselor. 351 00:13:16,151 --> 00:13:18,685 Detective Diaz, it's always a pleasure to see you. 352 00:13:18,719 --> 00:13:20,086 This is not good. 353 00:13:20,087 --> 00:13:22,755 The lawyer is that slimeball grundhaven... Rosa hates him! 354 00:13:22,756 --> 00:13:24,391 She's dressed right. We coached her. 355 00:13:24,392 --> 00:13:26,193 She'll be okay. 356 00:13:26,194 --> 00:13:29,032 Would you please state your name for the record? 357 00:13:29,033 --> 00:13:31,335 To be perfectly candid... 358 00:13:31,336 --> 00:13:32,970 My name is Detective Rosa Diaz. 359 00:13:33,004 --> 00:13:34,305 Well, thank you for your candor 360 00:13:34,306 --> 00:13:36,041 regarding your own name. 361 00:13:37,077 --> 00:13:39,013 Detective Diaz, 362 00:13:39,048 --> 00:13:40,449 would you please tell the court 363 00:13:40,450 --> 00:13:42,019 exactly how you're involved in this case? 364 00:13:42,053 --> 00:13:44,155 I caught Mr. Ladd physically beating his boss 365 00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:46,391 with a fax machine. Most of his cheek 366 00:13:46,425 --> 00:13:47,759 was caved in. 367 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,728 His head was basically a blood fountain. 368 00:13:49,763 --> 00:13:52,030 I'm sorry, is this amusing to you, Ms. Diaz? 369 00:13:53,432 --> 00:13:54,901 Blinking. 370 00:13:58,908 --> 00:14:00,509 Oh, no. 371 00:14:00,510 --> 00:14:02,713 Brogan just sent me the quotes he's gonna run. 372 00:14:02,714 --> 00:14:04,748 I slammed Holt like 50 times. 373 00:14:04,749 --> 00:14:06,082 Listen. 374 00:14:06,117 --> 00:14:07,384 "Holt would rather I wear a tie 375 00:14:07,385 --> 00:14:08,552 "than solve a case. 376 00:14:08,553 --> 00:14:10,720 "Holt cares more about catching clerical errors 377 00:14:10,721 --> 00:14:12,655 "than catching bad guys. 378 00:14:12,656 --> 00:14:15,424 Holt is way too verticulis"? 379 00:14:15,425 --> 00:14:17,727 That's not even a word! What were you thinking? 380 00:14:17,728 --> 00:14:19,528 We were just hanging out, being old-school. 381 00:14:19,529 --> 00:14:21,198 He wasn't supposed to quote me. 382 00:14:21,199 --> 00:14:23,402 I was off the record the whole time. 383 00:14:23,403 --> 00:14:24,873 Oh, no wait. 384 00:14:24,874 --> 00:14:26,276 I'm goin' on the record. 385 00:14:26,310 --> 00:14:29,282 Jake Peralta... Can dance! 386 00:14:30,417 --> 00:14:33,585 Whoo! Whoo! 387 00:14:33,586 --> 00:14:36,057 Jimmy Brogan! 388 00:14:36,058 --> 00:14:37,626 You need to fix this, okay? 389 00:14:37,660 --> 00:14:39,430 Those quotes cannot run. 390 00:14:39,431 --> 00:14:41,464 It would be devastating for Holt. 391 00:14:41,465 --> 00:14:43,766 And the department. I'll fix it. 392 00:14:43,767 --> 00:14:45,902 Brogan's a cool guy. We're friends now. 393 00:14:45,903 --> 00:14:48,673 I'll just talk to him, awesome dude to awesome dude. 394 00:14:48,674 --> 00:14:51,178 I should brush my teeth first, though, right? 395 00:14:51,179 --> 00:14:52,647 Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's terrible. 396 00:14:52,648 --> 00:14:54,181 Ugh! 397 00:14:54,182 --> 00:14:55,550 Great advice, dummies. 398 00:14:55,551 --> 00:14:56,918 I look like a psycho up there! 399 00:14:56,919 --> 00:14:58,988 Yes. You have to pull it together. 400 00:14:58,989 --> 00:15:01,894 That's not helping! That's what sarge says to me when I'm nervous. 401 00:15:01,895 --> 00:15:03,664 Rosa, I think you're nervous. 402 00:15:03,665 --> 00:15:05,168 Of course I'm nervous! 403 00:15:05,169 --> 00:15:06,638 What did you think was the problem? 404 00:15:06,639 --> 00:15:07,806 We just assumed you were a terrifying human being 405 00:15:07,807 --> 00:15:09,040 with a short fuse. 406 00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:11,475 But if the problem is that you're nervous, 407 00:15:11,476 --> 00:15:13,711 that's where Charles Boyle lives, baby. 408 00:15:13,712 --> 00:15:15,280 I can help! You just need to go 409 00:15:15,281 --> 00:15:16,649 to your happy place. 410 00:15:16,650 --> 00:15:18,823 What's that? Sounds stupid. 411 00:15:18,824 --> 00:15:20,458 Oh, everyone's happy place is different. 412 00:15:20,459 --> 00:15:21,959 For me, I just imagine I'm slurping up 413 00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:23,995 the world's longest piece of linguini. 414 00:15:23,996 --> 00:15:26,332 It just keeps going and going. 415 00:15:26,333 --> 00:15:29,338 Every 20 feet of noodle, there's a sauce change. 416 00:15:29,339 --> 00:15:31,508 I'm in my happy place right now. 417 00:15:31,509 --> 00:15:33,208 Mmm... pesto. 418 00:15:33,209 --> 00:15:35,974 Mmm! Carbonara! 419 00:15:35,975 --> 00:15:38,578 Great! Now I'm starving! 420 00:15:42,719 --> 00:15:44,654 Hey, hey, Jimmy Brogan. 421 00:15:44,655 --> 00:15:46,690 Thanks for meeting me. 422 00:15:46,691 --> 00:15:48,156 Welcome to the Schvitz, kid. 423 00:15:48,157 --> 00:15:50,927 The most comfortable place on earth. 424 00:15:50,928 --> 00:15:52,931 It's like crawling back into your mother. 425 00:15:52,932 --> 00:15:54,666 Is that something people wanna do? 426 00:15:54,667 --> 00:15:56,101 What'd you wanna talk to me about? 427 00:15:56,102 --> 00:15:59,338 So I read those quotes you sent me, 428 00:15:59,339 --> 00:16:01,741 and you... Wrote them so good. 429 00:16:01,742 --> 00:16:03,510 The thing is... 430 00:16:03,511 --> 00:16:04,846 I know I hid it incredibly well, 431 00:16:04,847 --> 00:16:07,751 but I was pretty drunk when I said that stuff, so... 432 00:16:07,752 --> 00:16:09,186 Any chance you wouldn't print it? 433 00:16:09,187 --> 00:16:11,386 Well, you said you were going on the record. 434 00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,419 I was clearly not in control. 435 00:16:13,420 --> 00:16:16,251 Well, maybe you should learn to handle your brown. 436 00:16:16,252 --> 00:16:17,685 Eew. 437 00:16:17,686 --> 00:16:19,252 Look, you know that I think 438 00:16:19,253 --> 00:16:22,455 you're like the number one hero of the 20th century. 439 00:16:22,456 --> 00:16:24,391 But kinda feel like you're being unfair here. 440 00:16:24,392 --> 00:16:26,358 "Feel like"? Listen to her, 441 00:16:26,359 --> 00:16:29,060 Suzanne Somers over here. Talk like a man. 442 00:16:29,061 --> 00:16:30,595 All right, I will talk like a man. 443 00:16:30,596 --> 00:16:32,532 You got me drunk and took advantage of me. 444 00:16:32,533 --> 00:16:34,368 Oh, come on. Gah! 445 00:16:34,369 --> 00:16:35,739 Look, I'm asking you nicely... 446 00:16:35,740 --> 00:16:37,608 Please don't print the quotes. 447 00:16:37,609 --> 00:16:39,916 And I'm telling you nicely, I'm printing them. 448 00:16:39,917 --> 00:16:41,384 No, you're not. 449 00:16:41,385 --> 00:16:44,021 What are you gonna do about it? 450 00:16:49,224 --> 00:16:51,026 Hey, how'd it go with Brogan? Perfect. 451 00:16:51,027 --> 00:16:52,329 Except I punched him in the face 452 00:16:52,330 --> 00:16:53,831 and made everything a billion times worse. 453 00:16:53,832 --> 00:16:54,831 What? 454 00:17:02,270 --> 00:17:03,981 Yeah. 455 00:17:04,008 --> 00:17:05,650 So, Detective Diaz, 456 00:17:05,677 --> 00:17:07,677 you saw my client struggling with his boss, 457 00:17:07,678 --> 00:17:09,612 but you don't know who initiated the fight. 458 00:17:09,613 --> 00:17:10,780 To be perfectly candid, 459 00:17:10,814 --> 00:17:13,032 I was pretty sure it was the defendant. 460 00:17:13,048 --> 00:17:15,493 Oh, to be perfectly candid, "pretty sure" is not definitive. 461 00:17:15,518 --> 00:17:17,922 I think I know what happened. 462 00:17:17,957 --> 00:17:19,225 Well, to be perfectly candid, 463 00:17:19,226 --> 00:17:20,373 no one cares what you think. 464 00:17:20,395 --> 00:17:22,041 Do you actually know anything, 465 00:17:22,067 --> 00:17:24,233 or are you just guessing? 466 00:17:26,967 --> 00:17:29,502 Your client instigated the fight. 467 00:17:29,503 --> 00:17:30,972 I'm certain. 468 00:17:30,973 --> 00:17:32,677 And I'm happy to tell you why. 469 00:17:32,709 --> 00:17:34,045 Yes! 470 00:17:34,046 --> 00:17:35,447 She went to her happy place. 471 00:17:35,448 --> 00:17:36,783 I know that, Boyle. 472 00:17:36,818 --> 00:17:39,484 You punched Jimmy Brogan? 473 00:17:39,519 --> 00:17:40,726 What were you thinking? 474 00:17:40,753 --> 00:17:41,787 I was thinking 475 00:17:41,788 --> 00:17:43,229 that I needed to protect this precinct. 476 00:17:43,257 --> 00:17:45,625 From things that I said about this precinct 477 00:17:45,659 --> 00:17:48,094 to a reporter while drunk and insisting he record me. 478 00:17:48,095 --> 00:17:49,663 I shouldn't have done it. Unbelievable. 479 00:17:49,697 --> 00:17:51,433 Every time I think you might make a decent Detective, 480 00:17:51,434 --> 00:17:52,635 you go and pull something like this. 481 00:17:52,669 --> 00:17:56,005 I thought I could handle my brown. 482 00:17:56,040 --> 00:17:57,639 Oh, I'm sorry. It's gross. 483 00:17:57,640 --> 00:17:59,037 Go home! 484 00:17:59,071 --> 00:18:02,940 You got the rest of the day to put your head on straight. 485 00:18:08,204 --> 00:18:10,736 Got Halbrook to cop to every charge. 486 00:18:10,770 --> 00:18:12,569 Nice work, Santiago. Thank you, sir. 487 00:18:12,570 --> 00:18:14,404 Peralta figured out the pattern, though, 488 00:18:14,405 --> 00:18:16,173 so he should get credit for the collar. 489 00:18:16,174 --> 00:18:17,341 Have you seen him? 490 00:18:17,375 --> 00:18:19,411 I sent him home. He assaulted Jimmy Brogan. 491 00:18:19,445 --> 00:18:22,448 Yeah. But that caveman kinda had it coming, 492 00:18:22,482 --> 00:18:23,849 don't you think? 493 00:18:23,883 --> 00:18:26,355 Oh. He didn't tell you. 494 00:18:26,390 --> 00:18:28,391 Tell me what? Never mind. 495 00:18:28,392 --> 00:18:30,860 If Jake didn't tell you, he must have had a reason. 496 00:18:30,894 --> 00:18:33,693 It's not my place. I'm disappointed in you, Santiago. 497 00:18:33,728 --> 00:18:36,627 I thought you and I were close. 498 00:18:36,628 --> 00:18:38,829 I know you're manipulating me... 499 00:18:38,830 --> 00:18:39,996 But I love it, 500 00:18:40,031 --> 00:18:42,133 and I will tell you anything. 501 00:18:42,167 --> 00:18:44,701 So Jake went to the Schvitz to talk to Brogan. 502 00:18:44,736 --> 00:18:46,836 What are you gonna do about it? 503 00:18:51,536 --> 00:18:52,934 There's nothing I can do... 504 00:18:52,969 --> 00:18:55,671 Except to ask you nicely as a fan of you, 505 00:18:55,672 --> 00:18:58,206 your work, and the guys you wrote about... 506 00:18:58,207 --> 00:18:59,575 Please don't print the quotes. 507 00:18:59,609 --> 00:19:00,842 Sheesh. I didn't realize 508 00:19:00,843 --> 00:19:02,310 you were gonna get your panties all in a pretzel! 509 00:19:02,344 --> 00:19:04,176 That's actually not technically possible. 510 00:19:04,177 --> 00:19:05,610 I'm not wearing underwear. 511 00:19:05,611 --> 00:19:08,212 It is swampy in here. My butt's like the everglades. 512 00:19:08,246 --> 00:19:10,883 Look, I know you're trying to be legit in a hair bag world, 513 00:19:10,884 --> 00:19:13,050 so I will not print your quotes. 514 00:19:13,084 --> 00:19:14,752 Ah, thank you, thank you! 515 00:19:14,753 --> 00:19:16,186 That means the world to me. 516 00:19:16,187 --> 00:19:17,653 And for the record, 517 00:19:17,654 --> 00:19:19,121 I know that Holt is a stickler, 518 00:19:19,122 --> 00:19:20,555 but he's actually a really good cop. 519 00:19:20,590 --> 00:19:22,890 Don't worry about it. We're friends. 520 00:19:22,891 --> 00:19:25,759 You don't have to stick up for that homo. 521 00:19:27,061 --> 00:19:28,834 I really wish you hadn't just said that. 522 00:19:28,863 --> 00:19:29,863 What, homo? 523 00:19:29,864 --> 00:19:30,864 Ooh! 524 00:19:30,865 --> 00:19:33,547 Thank you, Santiago. That'll be all. 525 00:19:37,899 --> 00:19:39,066 Here she is. 526 00:19:40,735 --> 00:19:42,168 Diaz, you did it. 527 00:19:42,169 --> 00:19:44,035 They found him guilty on all charges. 528 00:19:44,070 --> 00:19:45,603 Huh. Boyle's advice worked. 529 00:19:47,104 --> 00:19:48,704 So... 530 00:19:48,738 --> 00:19:50,537 Where's your happy place? 531 00:19:50,571 --> 00:19:53,006 I'm in a cabin in the middle of nowhere. 532 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:54,474 Inside it's just me 533 00:19:54,508 --> 00:19:57,111 and that stupid, slimy defense attorney. 534 00:19:57,112 --> 00:19:59,715 And I'm beating the hell out of him. 535 00:19:59,749 --> 00:20:01,917 I break a dining room table over his head. 536 00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,818 Then I rip off his arm 537 00:20:03,853 --> 00:20:05,687 and shove it where the sun don't shine. 538 00:20:05,721 --> 00:20:07,856 Then I reach down his throat 539 00:20:07,857 --> 00:20:10,128 and shake his hand. 540 00:20:13,569 --> 00:20:14,935 Yeah. Okay. 541 00:20:14,936 --> 00:20:17,905 I'm gonna go ahead and schedule you for a psych eval. 542 00:20:19,074 --> 00:20:20,709 I owe you one, Boyle. 543 00:20:20,744 --> 00:20:21,945 Thank-you dinner. Tomorrow night. 544 00:20:21,980 --> 00:20:24,150 Gribaldi's. It's all-you-can-eat linguini. 545 00:20:25,687 --> 00:20:26,754 Yes! 546 00:20:26,788 --> 00:20:28,255 Oh, my boyfriend's coming too. 547 00:20:28,256 --> 00:20:30,646 Your what friend now? 548 00:20:32,294 --> 00:20:33,795 All right. 549 00:20:33,829 --> 00:20:35,430 Let's hear it. 550 00:20:35,464 --> 00:20:37,501 Well, it's even worse than I imagined. 551 00:20:37,535 --> 00:20:39,803 "The new face of the NYPD 552 00:20:39,804 --> 00:20:42,606 is perfectly embodied by Brooklyn's own Jake Peralta..." 553 00:20:42,641 --> 00:20:43,775 That's not so bad. 554 00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:45,545 "Who cowers behind his desk all day 555 00:20:45,546 --> 00:20:47,513 like the true hair bag that he is." 556 00:20:47,547 --> 00:20:48,913 There it is. 557 00:20:48,914 --> 00:20:50,948 "The old guard would have eaten a guy like Peralta 558 00:20:50,949 --> 00:20:53,953 for breakfast and unloaded him by lunch." 559 00:20:53,954 --> 00:20:56,625 Well, it's very colorful. And hurtful. 560 00:20:56,626 --> 00:20:59,527 You can ignore that garbage, Santiago. 561 00:20:59,561 --> 00:21:01,795 Jimmy Brogan wouldn't know a legit cop 562 00:21:01,796 --> 00:21:04,399 if he punched him in the face. 563 00:21:08,207 --> 00:21:09,307 Well... 564 00:21:09,341 --> 00:21:12,308 Guess I'm done with this. 565 00:21:12,309 --> 00:21:15,379 Not good enough. 566 00:21:15,414 --> 00:21:17,851 Three, two, one... 567 00:21:21,624 --> 00:21:24,792 Welcome to the party, pal! 568 00:21:24,793 --> 00:21:26,695 God, you love that movie. 569 00:21:26,696 --> 00:21:28,378 It's Die Hard. 570 00:21:28,379 --> 00:21:32,305 Sync and corrections by Rafael UPD www.addic7ed.com/ 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net